I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
