Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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