i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
