You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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