she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
