You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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