your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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