My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize