When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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