Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
