i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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