You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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