Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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