I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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