I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
