were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize