JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
