So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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