he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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