I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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