my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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