Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Drake has all the answers
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
