i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
