WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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