all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My dick has a subreddit
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize