masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
