she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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