based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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