There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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