I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
