I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
