I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
