i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Found your dick twin last night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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