So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize