I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
