Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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