I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This house was built for laser tag.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
