so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
