So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
