listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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