i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
