You smell like stripper and shame
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
