FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i drank out of a bidet.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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