Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
