my phone needs a breathalizer
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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