Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
