The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
