it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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