Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
MIDGETS
????
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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