He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
