we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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