He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm always down for nudity.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
