my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
