I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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