I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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