trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Randomize
