im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize