It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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