This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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