well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
