i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
