i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
