I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize