We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
