Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
