The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
