I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
