He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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