Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
