My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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