i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
