Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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