You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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