dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
