Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
