Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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