he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
