goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
