I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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