Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
