Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
