so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
