Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
