If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
