can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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