I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
