dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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