I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
