So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize