Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
