Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
