its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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