he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
