I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
