I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
