I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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