You're so nebulous sometimes
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
