Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dicks are not precious.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
