you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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