When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
