The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
