Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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