I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
