I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
