first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
