He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
