Can i not drive my cunt home
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
